This $2 Million Tank-SUV With Horrific Build Quality Is the Worst Car at the New York Auto Show
Hey, rich idiots! Do you secretly crave the lumbering, workhorse-like driving style of a Ford F-550 Super Duty, but don’t ever want to do any actual work, and really want to let everyone around you know what a colossal, pampered dip**** you are without even having to open your vape-smoke and Cristal-filled mouth?
My fine dip*****, are you ever in luck: for only $2.2 million dollars you can have it all, if by “all” we’re talking about the ugly, hulking mountain of overpriced trash-garbage that is the Karlmann King.
This auto show is the debut of this massive SUV made from, it seems, the finest pureéd wealthy jackass, pressed via advanced manufacturing techniques into body panels that simultaneously evoke an artistic chimp’s drawing of a stealth tank, if that existed, and a tanned heir to some pharma fortune passed out on a chaise lounge with a healthy amount cocaine rimming his nostrils.
The Karlmann King website describes this abomination in predictably wacky English, saying:
“Exceptional, treasure in collection. Diamond cuttings, inspiration from falcon. Exclusive customization, every Karlmann is the unique one in the world. Karlmann, designed by a team consisting of over 1800 people, produced by a world top-level custom vehicle manufacturer from Europe, aiming to provide an exquisite collection to the world.”
Inspiration from falcon? What falcon? The kind of falcon that got caught inside a boulder made of 10,000 pounds of the very idea that wealth turns people into ****? **** off.
Look at the front end of this thing. It’s like the designers wanted to answer the
question of what if angry, fascist chipmunks possessed highly advanced military technology that allowed them to build massive war mechs in their own image.