This "template" was printed in this month's Car and Driver as their "Best Letter". Pretty accurate if you ask me.
You need to (vague demand that would improve Car and Driver). Your comparison of the (name of some car) and the (name of some other car) was total (swear word). I can't believe you guys think that (name of one of the cars) is better than (name of the other car). The (name of the winning car) is a (witty insult). Compared with the (name of the losing car), it (insult about the winning car, demonstrating the superiority of the losing car). Besides which, on page (page number) you claim that (repeat information printed in C/D). That is (vulgar phrase). Actually, (surprising information, presented in an insulting manner, that proves C/D is stupid and he letter writer is highly intelligent and exceedingly knowledgeable about cars). (Final insulting remark).