Nascar Unveils New "Car of Yesterday"

[GotAWD]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news...ils_new_car_of

NASCAR Unveils New 'Car Of Yesterday'
Onion Sports



CHARLOTTE, NC—Only days after its long-anticipated, much-criticized Car of Tomorrow debuted to overwhelmingly negative reviews at the Bristol Motor Speedway, NASCAR responded to the wishes of competitors and fans alike by introducing the stylishly retro, technologically retrograde NEXTEL Cup Car of Yesterday.

"This is exactly what everyone from race teams to race fans wanted all along—a real American racecar," said Robby Gordon, standing in front of the Jim Beam '77 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme he will drive for the rest of the season. "To hell with things like spoilers, adjustable suspensions, disc brakes, shoulder belts, all that junk. People want to see us racing the cars they drive every day, and anyone who's seen the parking lot at a NASCAR race will tell you that's what the Car of Yesterday gives them."

Based on tried-and-true NASCAR designs from what many consider the golden age of stock-car racing, the Car Of Yesterday is based on the racing team's choice of four-door body styles: either the '77 Cutlass Supreme, the '79 Chevrolet Caprice Classic, the '78 Dodge Diplomat, the '77 Ford Granada, the '77 Mercury Gran Marquis, or for series newcomers Toyota, the 1989 Corolla. All cars, regardless of body style, must have fully reclining seats, column shifters, vinyl tops, ashtrays, and automatically retracting seatbelts. Adding spoilers and air dams for purposes other than providing advertising space is forbidden, although teams will be allowed to bolt wooden 2-by-8 planks to their front and rear bumpers for the contact-heavy short-track races. Mechanically, all cars will be basically identical, featuring 360-cubic-inch V-8 engines with the air filters reversed, "glass-pack" mufflers, and factory power steering.

"Our primary concern with the Car of Yesterday was safety," said NASCAR competition director Robin Pemberton. "The fans hate that ****. We had to keep that in mind when we went back to the drawing board, so we took away anything that increased grip, improved handling, or prevented a stock car from experiencing a sudden and total loss of control. NASCAR isn't about the cars, it's about the drivers. And the Car of Yesterday keeps the driver involved with the vehicle, whether he's just driving it or, ideally, crashing it."

The Car of Yesterday underwent intensive single-car and multi-car tests earlier this week at Daytona, Texas Motor Speedway, and Martinsville, with testing director Brett Bodine and his crew wrecking 34 cars in routine driving. An enthusiastic Bodine reported the new design passed with flying colors.

Drivers were unanimously positive when informed of the Car of Yesterday and praised NASCAR's courage in pursuing a deign philosophy that satisfied fans and racers alike.

"Like I said before, that Car of Tomorrow was crap," said Kyle Busch, who won the March 25 race in which the controversial design debuted. "It kind of stuck to the track in a boring way, and just sort of went where you pointed it. But this car reminds me of the ones I grew up watching—not just on the track, but on the two-lane highway outside of town. Hell, for all I know, this one was there."

Continued: http://www.theonion.com/content/news...ils_new_car_of

[marinerbc]

That's hilarious! Great find.

[unkillsam]

The drivers will adapt to the COT. Back in 1980 or 1981, when they switched from the LWB Laguna's (i think) to the SWB Monte Carlo's, all the drivers complained about the terrible, squirly handling. They were used to the planted feeling of the longer cars.

As I said, it will take some getting used to, but in a couple of years everyone will get used to the COT.

[327]

Haha, thats pretty good!

some of the old drivers/team owners said its basically back to what they used to race. Instead of working on aerodynamics with the bodies, they work on suspension A arms, springs. Just like back in the day with these similar cars

[spaz]

Originally Posted by unkillsam

The drivers will adapt to the COT. Back in 1980 or 1981, when they switched from the LWB Laguna's (i think) to the SWB Monte Carlo's, all the drivers complained about the terrible, squirly handling. They were used to the planted feeling of the longer cars.

As I said, it will take some getting used to, but in a couple of years everyone will get used to the COT.

The Chevelle Laguna S-3 was outlawed after '77 because it was too slick and that nose was barely a production piece it's extremely rare. After that the GM cars that were successful were the '77 Monte Carlo on the short tracks and some speedways, the '77 Olds Cutlass 4-4-2 on the big speedways. Richard Petty won his last pole in a 1979 Impala. There were even teams running '77 Buick Century coupes.
When Nascar took the wheelbases down to 110" form 115" in 1981 the rooflines of the eligible GM cars were formal notchback designs unlike the fastback '77 vintage stockers. The only car that had a fastback roofline that was able to feed the rear spoiler with enough air to keep the car on the ground was the Pontiac LeMans, nobody even thought of it except the #28 Harry Ranier Racing team with driver Bobby Allison. They ended up dominating Daytona but getting beat out by Petty in his '81 Regal on fuel mileage. The hot downsized GM cars were the Regal which won the manufacturers championship that year, the Pontiac Grand Prix (after NASCAR lopped a chunk off the LeMans spoiler), the olds and the monte carlo werent all that slippery. the monte carlo came into popularity in 1983 when GM created the monte carlo SS with the aerodynamic nose.
They showed the 1981 Daytona 500 on the SPEED channel a few years ago it was really interesting seeing all the different cars they were trying to run back when the sheetmetal was stock.

[logansowner]

What's gonna be funny is the people who don't get this... lol

[smk4565]

I think that car is an early spy photo of the "all new" 2011 Buick Lucerne. It is about as modern as any current Buick anyway.

[HoeyHimself]

Originally Posted by smk4565

I think that car is an early spy photo of the "all new" 2011 Buick Lucerne. It is about as modern as any current Buick anyway.

lol the 2011 Lucerne is going to be upgraded with a 4barrel carb...fuel injection is soo yesterday.

[AndrewGS]

We should be so lucky.