The Zen Of Sarcasm

[91 s-10baja]

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is probably not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

11. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

12. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

13. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

14. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

17. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[SirRaven]

Originally Posted by 91 s-10baja

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

14. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

These are all awsome, but those two are my favorites. I think I have read all of these before, but they are alawys good for a chuckle.

[jfnz24]

Nice. Good post.

[likearock00]

Classic.....love it!

[Slack]

Funny. Some of them remind me of the demotivators at www.despair.com

The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

[DuSpinnst]

Originally Posted by Slack

Funny. Some of them remind me of the demotivators at www.despair.com

I have the Beauty and Get To Work ones.

I wish Burnout was still available as a poster.

[Slack]

Originally Posted by DuSpinnst

I have the Beauty and Get To Work ones.

I wish Burnout was still available as a poster.

I think I'm going to get Despair and Fear. I love those things.

[DuSpinnst]

Originally Posted by Slack

I think I'm going to get Despair and Fear. I love those things.

Success is a classic

"...while others live to crush that dream."