Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse

[nsap]

The Hyundai Hearse

Greetings,

As you are probably aware, Hyundai has made tremendous strides in reliability and perceived value within the last several years. Adding to our line-up and updating all our models while increasing quality has been our number one goal. Due to current uncertain economic times, we have devised a two-pronged strategy to help ease your concerns about remaining profitable while still offering the best service possible.

With that in mind, we proudly present the latest variation of our upcoming Genesis sedan, the Hyundai Cemetery Transport System, based on the Genesis V8 model of our upcoming flagship. Pictured is the standard Hyundai CTS/G8, but we can custom build to order.

With the price of luxury based hearses escalating at an alarming rate, we at Hyundai felt it was our patriotic duty to help alleviate the situation by offering the look of quality combined with the frugality that your customers increasingly demand. While other manufacturers may balk at the prospect of combining quality, value, style, and innovation into a single package, we look at it as yet another opportunity to prove we're the right choice for America.

As to the second prong of our plan; whether your particular business is high or low volume, having expensive high maintenance luxury vehicles sitting around unused just doesn't make good economic sense. Our innovative and exciting solution (and the core of our concept) is to offer a fleet of rental or lease units to you, the consumer, at a reasonable rate.

Just think of the possibilities! No maintenance, storage, insurance, or depreciation costs. Just a clean, stately, elegant vehicle always available, regardless of business fluctuations. For your convenience, you may also want to consider one of our low cost options, our guaranteed “just in time” delivery.

In order to assure complete devotion to your needs, Hyundai is in the process of establishing a separate company to manage this aspect with dignity and compassion. It will be known as Hyundai Hearse Rental, featuring our guarantee of Sympathetic Satisfaction or HHR/SS for short. We want your client's last ride to be as satisfying as their first.

While we are well aware of the unjustified accusations about our company designing vehicles that bear a passing resemblance to other auto makers older designs, along with complaints about a lack of innovation, we're very confident that combining CTS/G8 with HHR/SS will stop the criticism dead in it's tracks.

Another company likes to advertise that they are “Moving Forward” but with the V8 Tau engine producing an estimated 375 horsepower, your clientele can rest assured that Hyundai will have them in their graves well before any comparable model even makes it to the cemetery.

Thank you for considering Hyundai, and we sincerely hope you will make it your final decision.
The Hyundai Hearse system with CTS/G8 and HHR/SS, a choice morticians would die for.


Hyundai Corporation of America registered in New Jersey under part 1LorNCorI section SSorANoM of the Company Act 1987.

Hearse: Written by IROCNROL1, Illustrated by MonaroSS, Edited by IROCNROL1 & MonaroSS. Thanks to MonaroSS for the chop amd IROCNROL1 for the clever writing!

[paul8488]

That actually looks really good! No joke! Seems like a stupid market to focus on, but there's something cool about that. Hope they make a camper version for living civilians!

[BPGTim]

all jokes aside this will be big competition in sedan and coupe formats. And with there almost below the radar momentum they could probably pull something like this off.

[vanshmack]

Make mine Victory Red, please!

[turbodiesel]

nice try... must be another april fool material...

no landau bar --> dun even qualify for funeral use in North America.

[Tomko]

Absolutely Hilarious. Laughing very out load!

Thanks,

[78chevyman]

I sure hope this is an April Fool's Joke...leave the Hearse to Cadillac...cause I wouldn't be caught "dead" in a Hyundai...and that is no joke.

[Uzzy]

Originally Posted by 78chevyman

I sure hope this is an April Fool's Joke...leave the Hearse to Cadillac...cause I wouldn't be caught "dead" in a Hyundai...and that is no joke.

Dammit! You stole my joke.

I'm just glad this is April fools day.

[SirRaven]

Wow, you guys are having way to much fun with all of these chops today.

[Neanderthal]

While I doubt seriously that IROCNROL1 would make stuff up, I am hoping that KIA (or VIK to insiders) will do something similar with the RONDO!! station wagon.

Since I just purchased a KIA (VIK) Spectra EX/Artceps, aka Spectre, for our personal use, I am now morally obligated to advocate for the fearsome KIA brand.

With two grand on the hood and my incredible rhinoceros for a bargain, with an o-t-d price of 12.5 (+ttl + small "considerations") big ones, this is a great little car.

I will be selling rides in it for $100 each, so be sure to sign up soon!

[FenwickHockey65]

[BrickTamland]

It looks like a Mazda.

[61BelAir]

it could double as a "PopeMobile"

[IROCNROL1]

Originally Posted by paul8488

That actually looks really good! No joke! Seems like a stupid market to focus on, but there's something cool about that. Hope they make a camper version for living civilians!

I started to add a convertible model for former sun worshipers, but Hyundai informed me that when open, the top turned into a drag chute at speeds over 25mph.

Originally Posted by LAMRONH

While I doubt seriously that IROCNROL1 would make stuff up, I am hoping that KIA (or VIK to insiders) will do something similar with the RONDO!! station wagon.

Since I just purchased a KIA (VIK) Spectra EX/Artceps, aka Spectre, for our personal use, I am now morally obligated to advocate for the fearsome KIA brand.

With two grand on the hood and my incredible rhinoceros for a bargain, with an o-t-d price of 12.5 (+ttl + small "considerations") big ones, this is a great little car.

I will be selling rides in it for $100 each, so be sure to sign up soon!

Thank you! I didn't make it up, I just jumped the gun by a year or so. That'll teach Hyundai to trust that I'll keep my big mouth shut. I tried to get some inside KIA information for you, but they won't answer the phone now. They must have caller ID.

Congratulations on your new car and also for drawing some of the fire away from me. There's been a rumor going around for several years now that GM may build a new Camaro. If they ever do, maybe I should buy one in order to be more well liked around here. Do you think it would work?

Originally Posted by BrickTamland

It looks like a Mazda.

I thought we'd laid that accusation to rest for all eternity. Guess not.

[Neanderthal]

Originally Posted by IROCNROL1

I started to add a convertible model for former sun worshipers, but Hyundai informed me that when open, the top turned into a drag chute at speeds over 25mph.



Thank you! I didn't make it up, I just jumped the gun by a year or so. That'll teach Hyundai to trust that I'll keep my big mouth shut. I tried to get some inside KIA information for you, but they won't answer the phone now. They must have caller ID.

Congratulations on your new car and also for drawing some of the fire away from me. There's been a rumor going around for several years now that GM may build a new Camaro. If they ever do, maybe I should buy one in order to be more well liked around here. Do you think it would work?



I thought we'd laid that accusation to rest for all eternity. Guess not.

Perhaps you're calling the wrong number. KIA HQ have installed a second line now, but I don't know the number.

I wouldn't buy the Camaro. For one thing, it would diminish your rebel status, and people might think you were just becoming another cog in The Machine, merely another schmoo trying for another Nobel Prize.

As I like to say...uhh, now what was I saying?

Oh yeah, every large organization needs a few agitators to keep the pot stirred, to keep the org. from going stale, withering on the vine, and otherwise declining in vigor and creative genius.