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#1 (permalink) |
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Administrator
Join Date: Jan 2003
Drives: 2006 Pontiac G6 GTP
2009 Ford Focus SEL
Posts: 14,319
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Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
The Hyundai Hearse
![]() Greetings, As you are probably aware, Hyundai has made tremendous strides in reliability and perceived value within the last several years. Adding to our line-up and updating all our models while increasing quality has been our number one goal. Due to current uncertain economic times, we have devised a two-pronged strategy to help ease your concerns about remaining profitable while still offering the best service possible. With that in mind, we proudly present the latest variation of our upcoming Genesis sedan, the Hyundai Cemetery Transport System, based on the Genesis V8 model of our upcoming flagship. Pictured is the standard Hyundai CTS/G8, but we can custom build to order. With the price of luxury based hearses escalating at an alarming rate, we at Hyundai felt it was our patriotic duty to help alleviate the situation by offering the look of quality combined with the frugality that your customers increasingly demand. While other manufacturers may balk at the prospect of combining quality, value, style, and innovation into a single package, we look at it as yet another opportunity to prove we're the right choice for America. As to the second prong of our plan; whether your particular business is high or low volume, having expensive high maintenance luxury vehicles sitting around unused just doesn't make good economic sense. Our innovative and exciting solution (and the core of our concept) is to offer a fleet of rental or lease units to you, the consumer, at a reasonable rate. Just think of the possibilities! No maintenance, storage, insurance, or depreciation costs. Just a clean, stately, elegant vehicle always available, regardless of business fluctuations. For your convenience, you may also want to consider one of our low cost options, our guaranteed “just in time” delivery. In order to assure complete devotion to your needs, Hyundai is in the process of establishing a separate company to manage this aspect with dignity and compassion. It will be known as Hyundai Hearse Rental, featuring our guarantee of Sympathetic Satisfaction or HHR/SS for short. We want your client's last ride to be as satisfying as their first. While we are well aware of the unjustified accusations about our company designing vehicles that bear a passing resemblance to other auto makers older designs, along with complaints about a lack of innovation, we're very confident that combining CTS/G8 with HHR/SS will stop the criticism dead in it's tracks. Another company likes to advertise that they are “Moving Forward” but with the V8 Tau engine producing an estimated 375 horsepower, your clientele can rest assured that Hyundai will have them in their graves well before any comparable model even makes it to the cemetery. Thank you for considering Hyundai, and we sincerely hope you will make it your final decision. The Hyundai Hearse system with CTS/G8 and HHR/SS, a choice morticians would die for. Hyundai Corporation of America registered in New Jersey under part 1LorNCorI section SSorANoM of the Company Act 1987. Hearse: Written by IROCNROL1, Illustrated by MonaroSS, Edited by IROCNROL1 & MonaroSS. Thanks to MonaroSS for the chop amd IROCNROL1 for the clever writing! Last edited by ChevroletRevived : 04-01-2008 at 11:41 AM. |
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#2 (permalink) |
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GMI Staff Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: France
Drives: 2007 MBK Flipper Scooter
Posts: 12,706
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
That actually looks really good! No joke! Seems like a stupid market to focus on, but there's something cool about that. Hope they make a camper version for living civilians!
__________________
The department of redundancy department.
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#3 (permalink) |
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2.4 Liter ECOTEC
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Drives: 2008 Pontiac G6 3.5L
Posts: 107
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
all jokes aside this will be big competition in sedan and coupe formats. And with there almost below the radar momentum they could probably pull something like this off.
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Sales Pro for GM vehicles since 2001 ![]() And Complete Car Nut since 1975 http://www.coleyautos.com |
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#4 (permalink) |
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5.3 Liter Vortec V8
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: People's Republic of California
Drives: 2007 Tahoe LT,
1987 Buick Grand National
Posts: 1,339
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
Make mine Victory Red, please!
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"Beware of the leopard." --Douglas Adams 2007 Chevrolet Tahoe LT 1987 Buick Grand National: Alky drinker! 1977 Camaro LT: Vortec 4800 with 4L80-E |
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#6 (permalink) |
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5.3 Liter Vortec V8
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ottawa - Canada
Drives: 1996 Impala SS
1999 Tahoe POC
Posts: 1,329
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
Absolutely Hilarious. Laughing very out load!
Thanks,
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Tomko Current Fleet: 2008 DTS Lux III (1,000 km on the odometer) 1999 Tahoe POC (daily grinder) 1996 Impala SS (garage queen) Retired Fleet: 1988 Caprice 9C1 (first new car) 1984 6000 STE (first car) |
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#7 (permalink) |
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2.5L Iron Duke
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Goliad, Texas
Drives: '05 Chevy Cobalt LS Coupe
'78 Chevy Custom Deluxe
Posts: 28
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
I sure hope this is an April Fool's Joke...leave the Hearse to Cadillac...cause I wouldn't be caught "dead" in a Hyundai...and that is no joke.
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2005 Chevrolet Cobalt LS Coupe 1978 Chevrolet Custom Deluxe Pickup Wilkinson Chevrolet Sales Consultant - Refugio, TX "Be American, Buy American!" |
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#8 (permalink) | |
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6.2 Liter Vortec V8
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Windsor Ontario, Canada
Drives: 2004 Chevy Silverado Z71;
1987 Plymouth Reliant
Posts: 2,753
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
Quote:
![]() I'm just glad this is April fools day.
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eXcelon inside ... Aut viam inveniam aut faciam |
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#10 (permalink) |
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7.0 Liter LS7 V8
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Neanderthallande
Drives: 2007 KIA Spectra EX, black.
Posts: 8,554
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
While I doubt seriously that IROCNROL1 would make stuff up, I am hoping that KIA (or VIK to insiders) will do something similar with the RONDO!! station wagon.
Since I just purchased a KIA (VIK) Spectra EX/Artceps, aka Spectre, for our personal use, I am now morally obligated to advocate for the fearsome KIA brand. With two grand on the hood and my incredible rhinoceros for a bargain, with an o-t-d price of 12.5 (+ttl + small "considerations") big ones, this is a great little car. I will be selling rides in it for $100 each, so be sure to sign up soon! ![]()
__________________
"We're going to push through health care reform regardless of the views of the American people." --Sen. Jay Rockefeller (1994) "Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil." "Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive." --C. S. Lewis Last edited by LAMRONH : 04-01-2008 at 04:41 PM. Reason: ed. |
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#11 (permalink) |
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6.0 Liter LS2 V8
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: West Chester, OH
Drives: Chevrolet Malibu LS, GMC Envoy SLE, GMC Sonoma SLS
Posts: 4,859
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
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__________________
Proud to drive American. Proud to drive GM. Current Cars: 2007 Chevrolet Malibu LS: 2.2L ECOTEC I-4 2003 GMC Envoy SLE: 4.2L Vortec 4200 I-6 1998 GMC Sonoma SLS Ext. Cab: 4.3L Vortec 4300 V6 Former Cars: 1993 Saturn SW2 (1993-2006, 243,000 miles) 1989 GMC Safari SLT (1989-2003, 293,000 miles) Future Car: 2010 Chevrolet Camaro LT RS: 3.6L DI VVT V6
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#12 (permalink) |
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6.0 Liter LS2 V8
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Waterville, OH
Drives: 2003 Nissan Maxima SE
Posts: 4,353
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
It looks like a Mazda.
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I reject your reality and substitute my own. Current: Super Black 2003 Nissan Maxima SE Former: Brilliant Blue Metallic 1995 Ford Explorer XLT 4WD |
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#14 (permalink) | ||
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4.4 Liter Supercharged Northstar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Fairfax, Iowa
Posts: 2,118
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
Quote:
Quote:
Congratulations on your new car and also for drawing some of the fire away from me. There's been a rumor going around for several years now that GM may build a new Camaro. If they ever do, maybe I should buy one in order to be more well liked around here. Do you think it would work? I thought we'd laid that accusation to rest for all eternity. Guess not.
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www.timmyshavingfun.com Am I right, or what? |
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#15 (permalink) | |
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7.0 Liter LS7 V8
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Neanderthallande
Drives: 2007 KIA Spectra EX, black.
Posts: 8,554
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Re: Hyundai Announces Genesis Hearse
Quote:
I wouldn't buy the Camaro. For one thing, it would diminish your rebel status, and people might think you were just becoming another cog in The Machine, merely another schmoo trying for another Nobel Prize. ![]() As I like to say...uhh, now what was I saying? ![]() Oh yeah, every large organization needs a few agitators to keep the pot stirred, to keep the org. from going stale, withering on the vine, and otherwise declining in vigor and creative genius. ![]()
__________________
"We're going to push through health care reform regardless of the views of the American people." --Sen. Jay Rockefeller (1994) "Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil." "Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive." --C. S. Lewis |
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