GMI Joke Thread!

[coaster.n3rd]

Whats easier to unload from a truck? Babies or bowling balls?

Babies.. you can use a pitch fork.

[91 s-10baja]

Originally Posted by coaster.n3rd

Whats easier to unload from a truck? Babies or bowling balls?

Babies.. you can use a pitch fork.

This is my new favorite! I lol'd at work, and yelled it over my cubicle

[Firebird00]

A man took his wife golfing one afternoon after she begged him to teach her how to play. At first the man was hesitant, but finally agreed to take her. The golf course backed up to a very exclusive neighborhood with houses no cheaper than a half million dollars.

The man showed his wife how to tee off, hold the club etc.. The man went first and hit the ball 3/4 of the distance to the green. The wife was next. After taking a minute to focus and talk confidence into herself she swung the club and smacked the ball as hard as she could. Unfortunately the ball drove itself right through a plate glass window in one of the house right next to the golf course.

The man just hung his head in embarassment and frustration and told his wife that they had may aswell walk over to the house and find out how much it was going to cost to replace the window. The wife, obviously upset followed. When they got to the house, they knocked on the door and to their surprise the front door pushed open. Inside was a man standing in front of the broken window.

The couple apologized twice and said they would pay for whatever the cost of the new window would be. The man said everything was okay, and in fact he was happy about it. The couple looked confused. The man in front of the window pointed to a broken vase on the floor and said "I'm actually a genie and I've been trapped in that vase for over 200 years. In appreciation, I'm going to grant 3 wishes however the third wish I get to pick."

The couple were overcome with happiness. The genie asked the husband what it was that he wished for. The husband replied that he would like a million dollars in his bank account forever no matter how much he ever spent. The genie nodded his head and said "done". The wife wished for a house in each of the 50 states so no matter where she was, she would always have a home. Again the genie said "done".

"Now for my wish" said the genie. "As you know I've been in that vase for over 200 years, and well I really need a woman very badly. In fact, I'd like to have your wife sir" said the genie. The couple looked at each other not knowing what to say. The husband said it was okay with him. It was just one time and its not like it had any meaning. The wife said that it was okay with her since she had her homes and he had his money. The wife agreed and the genie swept her away to the upstairs bedroom. They emerged two hours later. The genie had a huge smile on his face.

The genie thanked the couple for all they had done. Before the couple left, the genie asked them one question. "How old are both of you" he asked? The husband replied "well, I'm 36 and my wife here is 34." The genie busted out laughing and said "you mean to tell me you two are that old and you still believe in genies!"

[Buick61]

Sir BigAl knows this one:

Doctors have found that children conceived during summer months score significantly lower than children conceived during other times of the year.

Scientists are calling this phenomenon "Getting Knocked up at the Jersey Shore."

[likearock00]

Originally Posted by coaster.n3rd

Whats easier to unload from a truck? Babies or bowling balls?

Babies.. you can use a pitch fork.

My jokes got deleted but this doesn't? Sick....

[t-rex]

Originally Posted by likearock00

My jokes got deleted but this doesn't? Sick....

Send 'em to me, rock!

[likearock00]

t-rex is the only one that can handle mine!

[CrunkedRL]

Originally Posted by BigAls87Z28

Lets not get political on this...but last one tonight...

President Bush was informed that 3 Brazilian soldiers had been killed in Iraq while trying to rescue Jessica Lynch. Bush, visibly shaken, asked "How many is a brazilian?"

HA! now that's funny some of these other jokes on this thread are just lame ducks and I considering myself an authority on this subject as I love to crack jokes and have fun at other's expense, it's one of life's sweetest taboos.

Here's one of the few clean ones I have for ya...

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"

Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."

And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''

[coaster.n3rd]

Originally Posted by likearock00

My jokes got deleted but this doesn't? Sick....

Mine was funny.

ZIIING!

[CrunkedRL]

Originally Posted by likearock00

My jokes got deleted but this doesn't? Sick....

[coaster.n3rd]

A man walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender... Ouch.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "so why the long face?"

Why did it get so hot at the stadium after the ball game?
All the fans left.

[coaster.n3rd]

Originally Posted by coaster.n3rd

A man walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender... Ouch.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "so why the long face?"

Why did it get so hot at the stadium after the ball game?
All the fans left.

Booooo

[Rumblebuffin]

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.




Ford must name their trucks based on the number of times you say F*** while filling it up: F-150, F-250, F-350...

[SDRacing]

Last May, Boudreaux married an attractive woman, Lola, half his age. After
several months, Lola complained that she had never climaxed during s*ex; and
according to her Grand Momma, all Cajun women are entitled to a climax once
in a while. So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the large-animal Vet
since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in Mamou. The Vet didn't have
a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his Momma and Daddy
would fan a cow that was having any difficulty breeding with a big towel.
This would cool her down and make her relax. So, the Vet told them to hire a
strong virile, young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having
s*ex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, and
then climax. So the couple hired a strong young man from the big city of
Lafayette to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many
efforts, Lola still had not climaxed! They went back to the Vet. The Vet
said for Lola to change partners and let the young man have se*x with her
while Boudreaux waved the big towel.
They tried it that night and Lola went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting
climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours. When it
was over, Boudreaux looked down at the exhausted young man and in a cocky
manner said, "And dat, my friend, is how you wave a towel!"

[likearock00]

A young kid from Oklahoma moves to California and goes to a big
"everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Oklahoma ."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start
tomorrow.
I'll come down after we close and see how you did . "

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales
did
you make today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a
day. You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another
job! How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$112,237.64."

The boss says, "$112,237.64?! What the dickens did you sell?!"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium
fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new
fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a new bass boat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Ford pick-up. I asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days I took him down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for the truck."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
boat, a truck and a camper?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and
I said, "Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.