The Hyundai Hearse
Greetings,
As you are probably aware, Hyundai has made tremendous strides in reliability and perceived value within the last several years. Adding to our line-up and updating all our models while increasing quality has been our number one goal. Due to current uncertain economic times, we have devised a two-pronged strategy to help ease your concerns about remaining profitable while still offering the best service possible.
With that in mind, we proudly present the latest variation of our upcoming Genesis sedan, the Hyundai Cemetery Transport System, based on the Genesis V8 model of our upcoming flagship. Pictured is the standard Hyundai CTS/G8, but we can custom build to order.
With the price of luxury based hearses escalating at an alarming rate, we at Hyundai felt it was our patriotic duty to help alleviate the situation by offering the look of quality combined with the frugality that your customers increasingly demand. While other manufacturers may balk at the prospect of combining quality, value, style, and innovation into a single package, we look at it as yet another opportunity to prove we're the right choice for America.
As to the second prong of our plan; whether your particular business is high or low volume, having expensive high maintenance luxury vehicles sitting around unused just doesn't make good economic sense. Our innovative and exciting solution (and the core of our concept) is to offer a fleet of rental or lease units to you, the consumer, at a reasonable rate.
Just think of the possibilities! No maintenance, storage, insurance, or depreciation costs. Just a clean, stately, elegant vehicle always available, regardless of business fluctuations. For your convenience, you may also want to consider one of our low cost options, our guaranteed “just in time” delivery.
In order to assure complete devotion to your needs, Hyundai is in the process of establishing a separate company to manage this aspect with dignity and compassion. It will be known as Hyundai Hearse Rental, featuring our guarantee of Sympathetic Satisfaction or HHR/SS for short. We want your client's last ride to be as satisfying as their first.
While we are well aware of the unjustified accusations about our company designing vehicles that bear a passing resemblance to other auto makers older designs, along with complaints about a lack of innovation, we're very confident that combining CTS/G8 with HHR/SS will stop the criticism dead in it's tracks.
Another company likes to advertise that they are “Moving Forward” but with the V8 Tau engine producing an estimated 375 horsepower, your clientele can rest assured that Hyundai will have them in their graves well before any comparable model even makes it to the cemetery.
Thank you for considering Hyundai, and we sincerely hope you will make it your final decision.
The Hyundai Hearse system with CTS/G8 and HHR/SS, a choice morticians would die for.
Hyundai Corporation of America registered in New Jersey under part 1LorNCorI section SSorANoM of the Company Act 1987.
Hearse: Written by IROCNROL1, Illustrated by MonaroSS, Edited by IROCNROL1 & MonaroSS. Thanks to MonaroSS for the chop amd IROCNROL1 for the clever writing!