[IROCNROL1]

Since I had so many people agree with my point of view in my "Friendship" thread, (at least 2) I thought I would offer another example of correct/incorrect societal interaction for those wishing to polish up their social skills.

On Rudeness

Well, it didn't take long at all. People around here learned in a hurry that it's not a good idea to race me. In fact, when I pull up to a gathering in my Elantra, it generally breaks up in a hurry. I figure this is because no one wants to risk having to face me. This could be because of the fact that I've never lost a complete race in my life, although I once had to follow a truck 20 miles before he finally gave up and pulled into a rest area. I could stay right on his bumper, but every time I pulled out to pass I started losing ground. I think there was a very strong headwind that day. As I zoomed past I saluted his valiant, if vain effort, and in return, he flipped me off! Talk about rudeness.

Being a professional street racer, I will admit that I've broken off a few times after someone got a slight 5 or 6 car length lead on me at the start of a race. The reason for this of course, is that I know when I get my car wound up, I'll pass them like they were standing still. This might startle them so badly that they will lose control and crash. Safety and concern for the welfare of others is more important than winning a race under these circumstances. Conversely, I've also shut down after getting the hole shot on someone with my snakelike reaction times. It's rather pointless to continue to waste gas and humiliate a fellow racer when it's obvious that my lead will only continue to grow. A few of my opponents have become very belligerent in both scenarios, obviously due to their egos being crushed. I've even had to leave the scene in a hurry in order to avoid having to beat someone up. More rudeness.

I finally decided that there was little point in continuing to thrash the local competition to the point of monotony, and to just start cruising instead. One problem with this is that I had trash canned my Elantra's radio and speakers in order to save weight while racing. Since I hadn't saved enough money to replace the engine in Mother's Nova yet, I just pulled the stereo out of it. However, after sitting for 20 years the speakers turned to dust when I tried to remove them. No problem. I had just got paid, so it wasn't long before I was heading to the cemetery with a pair of Wal-Mart's best thirty-dollar speakers.

I like working on my car there because it's nice and quiet; mother won't let me use the garage anymore after I accidentally kicked my parts cleaning pan and splattered gasoline onto the water heater. I barely escaped with my life. Any sympathy? Fat Chance. Her insurance covered the damage other than the deductible, and we only live a block from the fire station, so there was never any danger of losing the whole house; but she still adamantly refuses to let me have another chance. I also have to avoid driving by the firehouse because the jerks there call me all sorts of uncomplimentary names. It looks like it might be time for a mysterious rash of dumpster fires at 3:00 AM. I hope they enjoy jumping out of bed from a dead sleep as much as I will enjoy watching them leave the station. Rudeness can have consequences.

Anyway, there I was, just working on my car and minding my own business, when a funeral procession passed by and stopped about 100 feet down the road. I was there first, but I didn't have a problem with that. As long as they didn't bother me, I was more than willing to ignore them. I finally got the wiring right and was checking out how many stations I could pick up, when I noticed that the entire funeral party was looking in my direction. They all looked a lot more angry than sad. I guess they had just found out that they weren't in the will. Tough, that wasn't my problem, so why glare at me? I tolerated this for a couple of minutes until I finally got fed up with it, so I yelled out "Excuse me, but don't you know it's rude to stare?" This apparently shamed them somewhat, so they returned to their business, and I to mine. I even turned the radio down some, just to show them that I was willing to compromise.

I was fiddling around with the clothes hanger I was using as a temporary antenna trying to pull in a weak signal, when all of a sudden I got crystal clear reception just as Alice Cooper came on, singing "I Love The Dead!" My all time favorite rock star, singing my all time favorite rock song! No way was I going to listen to this classic at anything less than max volume! I gave it all it had and was jamming to the tune when I noticed 5 rather large, well-dressed gentlemen headed my way at a fast trot.

It seems that their misplaced hostility had finally gotten the best of them, and they had decided to take their frustrations out on me! That would be their mistake, because I had earned a green belt in karate before they told me not to come back any more because they couldn't help me. This was probably due to the fact that I had watched David Carradine in "Kung Fu" religiously for years and knew all his moves by heart. I don't even have to do them in slow motion. Since I was already the equivalent of a 5th degree black belt, of course they couldn't help me.

I was sorely tempted to teach them some badly needed manners, but decided not to, out of respect for the dead. So I fired up the Elantra and left before they had to bury some more family members. I did buzz around them a couple of times just to show my displeasure at their impoliteness before spinning out in the gravel and leaving them in the dust. At least I'll have to give then credit for being smart enough not to bother chasing me. Just looking at my car made them realize the futility of trying to run down my street machine.

As I've mentioned before, I'm head of security on the night shift at the cemetery. The next evening when I reported to work, I was immediately summoned to my superior's (in his mind) office. Just because he finished high school he thinks he's a genius. If he's so smart, why didn't he notice that vandalism dropped almost to nothing after they quit letting my friends hang around?

He said there had been a complaint filed that I was harassing people attending a funeral. I denied this of course, not out of fear of punishment, but because they had started it; I had only finished it. He remained unconvinced, so I said "Look, do you really think I'm the only fifty-something fat guy driving a street racing Elantra in a town of almost two thousand people?" That didn't come out sounding quite as convincing as I had intended, but it must have worked, because he stormed off yelling that if he got another single complaint of any kind, I would be fired on the spot.

"That'll work, you junior Nazi." I muttered as he prissed out. It seems his hearing was a little better than I had given him credit for, because he spun on his heel and squeaked "What did you say!" "Thank you for your generosity" I replied, putting on my best surprised and innocent look. "Now go outside and practice your goosestepping, so your mother will be proud of you." I thought to myself. After he stalked off, I threw up in his wastebasket to get rid of the foul taste in my mouth, and decided that not all the fires I intend to set have to be in dumpsters. His car would do very nicely, too. Two birds with one stone, as it were.

I'm sure that some of you have had some bad experiences with ill-mannered people too, but can you really believe this type of behavior out of people who are attending a funeral? If you can't be on your best behavior while paying final repects to the dead, just where can you be? Sadly, the answer appears to be nowhere. Rudeness is obviously pandemic now.